A Red Thong To Fry Steve's Brain
by BeatrixMayfeir
Summary: An AU of the movie where Tony kept his identity as Iron Man a secret and this is how Steve finds out the truth. With a guest appearance from a red thong, cause Tony and his collection of red underwear it's all kind of awesome! TonyxSteve.
1. Chapter 1

A.N: Hey, guys! I wanted to thank right away those people who read my other story and put it or me in their favorite. Thank you, you're all amazing!

About this story too, I'll like to clarify some things in advance.

So, in this AU Tony went with Coulson idea at the end of the first movie and kept his identity as Iron Man a secret. So, when the Avengers come together, the team doesn't know who's under the armor (except Clint and Tasha, cause they worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. first, duh). This was just an excuse to re-enact a certain scene from the comics in a more Tony/Steve slashy way, because I'm secretly a pervert and somehow I even managed to hint at all my favorite Avengers' couples. Except for Bucky, I could only make him a little perverted voice. Sorry, Buck!

I stole the bad guy(I love this guy, seriously) from somewhere else because I didn't like that whiny bitch of the Molecule Man!

The story is not betaed, so I'm sorry in advance for all the mistakes. Oh and I don't own anything sadly, Marvel does.

I'm done, sorry. Hope you enjoy the story.

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Chapter 1

When they first saw the guy, they all thought this mission was going to be an easy one. After all, how can you take seriously someone dressed like _that_?

Though, the dude had somehow robbed a bank, opened a hole in the street deep enough to reach the subway, and was trying to flee through one of the tunnels. That alone should have put them more on alert, but the guy just looked so _**ridiculous**_.

Bruce even refused to go with them. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can get angry after seeing that," he tried to explain, but it didn't come out that articulated since he couldn't stop laughing.

So, the rest of them followed the weird thief down in the subway and now they are facing him in one of the abandoned tunnels.

But Steve really doesn't know what they are supposed to do with him.

"His pink overcoat is making me nauseous," Natasha's voice is toneless, but her distaste is clear in the little scrunching of her nose and furrowed brows.

"His hairy legs are making me nauseous!" Clint whines, a hand covering his eyes from the horrific sight.

"Am I hallucinating or those thing on his back really do look like a couple of freaking swans?" Iron Man incredulity gets clearly through even with his voice altered by his helmet. "What the hell does he use that shit for?"

"Why is his face painted like that?" Thor asks, eyeing the green eye-shadow, the thick mascara and the bright red lipstick with too much curiosity. "Is that a tradition of his people?"

"No," Natasha answers him. "Just what happens when you throw make up at your face."

That's when the '_bad guy' _decides to take offence. Moving faster than any of them thought him capable of, he aims a high-kick to Natasha's head, strengthen by a ridiculous pirouette. Still, Natasha is never caught unprepared.

Their legs clash in midair and the force of their kicks pushes them away from each other.

"Talking like that about other people stiles is not nice, lady!" he pouts, and his affected voice makes them all cringe.

"You sure pack a mean pirouette," Natasha concedes.

"Oh God, we are fighting a freaking transvestite who is also a ballerina," Clint bemoans. "Coulson please, have mercy and tell me I can get out of here."

"_Stop whining and do your job, Barton_," Coulson's unsympathetic response comes over the com. "_And it's not like you've never wore a dress yourself._"

"Sir!" Clint shrieks. "That's classified information you promised would never be brought up ever again until I lived!"

"_Ops_," Coulson says, cool as a cucumber and totally not sorry.

"That's enough joking around guys," Steve finally decides to interfere, while trying very hard not to think of Clint in a purple dress. "You saw him move and he's not to be underestimated."

"Why thank you, dear!" The Okama guy(what? It's written on his coat!) says. "Such a nice guy you are. I'll love to stay and chat you up but I really must be going, soooo…"

They are all too surprised to react in time; the little shit brings out some sort of gun from under his coat and fires it at Iron Man.

Steve can only watch in horror as a bright pink ray strikes his friend right in the gut. But Iron Man only stumbles back a couple of steps looking unharmed.

He watches down at his unblemished armor. "So, what was that supposed to do?" He asks, sounding smug.

"Oh, just give it a sec, sweetie!" The guy answers, an extremely creepy and inhumanly huge smile on his face. It's totally not reassuring.

Steve makes to move closer to Iron Man, panic squeezing his guts in a vise like grip. But before his astonished eyes the suit of armor starts to just… melt!

In less the a minute a puddle of red and gold goo is all that's left of the suit, the completely naked form of Tony Stark standing in it.

"_Tony?_" Steve will swear later that his voice did not sound like that of an hysteric teenaged girl, no matter what Clint as to say about it.

"Hey, Cap!" Tony squeaks, having the decency to at least sound a little ashamed. "Umh… fancy meeting you here?"

Steve can only gape and hope to god he is not drooling while his eyes drink in every inch of Tony's exposed skin.

Soon Steve realizes that Tony is not in fact completely naked, and his eyes are drawn like magnets to the red thong covering Tony's more sensible parts. He has to wonder if a sudden jealousy for an innocent little piece of clothing is the first sign of madness.

'Oh God! What the heck is wrong with me?' Steve thinks, mentally head slapping himself. 'This is not the time for such thoughts!'

'Well, you have to admit that thing is barely hiding quite the big surprise,' a mischievous voice quips suddenly in his head. Steve is outraged to realize that it sounds a lot like Bucky.

'If you don't tap that as soon as you're out of here, I'll be very disappointed in you, Rogers,' the little voice states warningly.

Steve almost chocks on air when images of him, Tony and every kind of flat surfaces – both horizontal and vertical – start to flash through his mind.

"Cap? You ok?"

Tony's voice snaps Steve out of his mortifying and perverted thoughts. He blushes furiously, then – trying not to look where he shouldn't – he closes the remaining distance between them and places his shield in front of Tony's middle. Steve hopes Tony will get the hint and take it to cover himself a bit better, without Steve having to tell him explicitly. The blushing would probably kill him otherwise.

Tony looks first at Steve then down at the shield, his expression settling halfway between amusement and incredulity. To Steve relief he still grabs the shield and holds it at waist level.

Steve coughs awkwardly and turns around to look at the other occupants of the tunnel.

Clint has both his hands clamped over his mouth, trying rather unsuccessfully to muffle his snickering.

Natasha is glancing Tony's way with the corner of her eye, and judging by the tiny grin on her lips, she is pleased by the view but will chug down poison before letting Tony know that.

However, the one to baffle Steve the most is Thor. The god his frowning at his shield like it has done him mortal offence. Steve doesn't like that look. Not. One. Bit.

A delighted cackle makes them all remember they are not alone.

"Oh dear!" The pervert his looking at Tony with drool coming down his chin. "I planned to distract you all by finally reviling Iron Man secret identity, but I sure didn't plan to become distracted myself!"

The bastard has even the gall to pout then. "And why did you have to go and cover that magnificent sight, Captain? It doesn't matter though, I want the complete treat now, so say adieu to that pesky shield and lovely thong!"

When he starts to fiddle with the settings on his machines, something in Steve minds just snaps and he charges the bastard with a growl. No one is going to take that thong off Tony but him.

The guy doesn't get the chance to make a single move before he is sent flying through a wall by a very angry and possessive super soldier. He's out as a light even before touching ground.

"And another win goes to the Star Spangled Man with the Plan!" Clint cheers sarcastically. "Seriously, I should have stayed with Bruce. No offence Stark but I could have happily went all my life without being flashed by you."

"Hey I'm wearing underwear!"

"At least now we know how you can be a total dick to women and still be swarmed by them," Clint points out. "Hey, is that thong from Victoria's Secret? I'm pretty sure I saw a couple of little bows there. And lace, lots of lace."

"Fuck you, Hawkass!" Tony glares, pressing the shield more to himself. "You should be thankful that I even bothered to grab something from the underwear drawer. I was fucking finally sleeping and I sleep in the nude, you asshole! It's not my fault if some of Pepper's things still pop out from time to time."

Now it's Natasha's turn to give Tony the 'I'll kill you with a tea spoon' glare, while Steve kind of whimpers a little at the mental image of Tony getting out of his oil streaked clothes and slipping naked under his silk sheets after a night spent working in his lab.

He tries to disguise the sound with a cough, but going by the look Natasha his sending his way it didn't go past her.

"Err… Natasha, you and Clint take that man back up to Coulson for custody," Steve tries to snap out of his Tony induced daydreaming by giving orders. "Thor could you please give your cape to Tony, so he'll cover himself better? And Clint lend him your glasses too, please?"

Clint hands those over without complain, but Tony knows he's not going to live this story down if the huge grin almost splitting Clint's face in two is any indication. Tony hopes his stupid face gets stuck that way.

Thor looks a bit reluctant but complies anyway; and Steve wants to punch him a little, dammit.

"Steve, I – " Tony tries to say, struggling to fasten Thor's cape around himself like a roman's toga.

"It's ok, Tony," Steve stops him immediately. "We can talk when we are back at the Tower."

'Hopefully it will be enough time to get myself back in control,' Steve thinks, sighing and looking inside the many pouches of his belt for a kerchief to give Tony.

"You can use this to cover your face while we get out of here," Steve explains, handing it over awkwardly. "So nobody else will find out your identity."

The realization that Tony didn't tell him about being Iron Man finally hits him, and it feels like a punch from the Hulk. Clint acted like he already knew, and Natasha didn't seem at all surprised either. Does Bruce know too? His chest aches at the thought that Tony obviously didn't trust him with his secret.

Steve can't hide his pained expression fast enough for Tony to miss it.

"Steve please, let me – "

"We have to go," Steve interrupts him again. "You really need some clothes."

He tries to smile to reassure him but if Tony's worried look is any indication, it was a pretty lousy attempt. Still, Steve feels like his emotions are to jumbled now to risk a talk with Tony. He doesn't want to end up fighting, so he just grabs his shield from Tony and makes his way back to the hole they came down through.

"Anthony!" Thor booms with a slap on Tony's shoulder, distracting him from looking mournfully at Steve's back. "I always believed you to be a great warrior, but to know you have been bravely fighting with us all this time is a most pleasing surprise. Alas, I do not understand why you would keep it a secret from your friends."

"It's a bit complicated Thor. Let's get out of here and I'll tell you sometime, 'k?" Tony manages to force a smile on his face for the god, but inside the dread he had just ruined the best friendship he has ever had is starting to squeeze his heart in a painful clutch.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

When they finally reach the Tower, the first thing Tony does is scramble in his room to get out of the S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform Coulson had thrown at him when they reached the Helicarrier for the debriefing.

The others let out a collective relieved sigh. Tony had bitched about the itchiness of the uniform all through out first the debriefing – it was kind of amazing how he was the only one who could make Fury's eye twitch _that bad_ – and then their ride home.

Steve makes an immediate beeline for the kitchen to grab some juice, while the rest of the team just find a place to throw themselves on in the common living room.

Steve sits down at the table and just stays there, watching at his glass forlornly. The hurt from Tony keeping his secret from him has just increased because of their visit on the Helicarrier. It looks like almost everybody knew but him! Well, him and Thor to be fair. But the god has been back for just a bit more than a month, so it's probably never come up just yet.

"Hey."

Steve startles so bad he almost falls from the stool he was perched on, letting loose a long string of colorful curses. He was so lost in his head that he didn't hear Tony come in.

When he looks up, it's to find Tony standing frozen at the kitchen door, eyes as big as saucers.

"Wow," Tony whispers almost reverently. "I think that's the first time I have ever caught you by surprise, and it's sure has hell the first time I hear you curse like _that_. I didn't know you even could!"

"For some reason you guys always seem to forget that I was in the army." Steve sighs. "That's not even a tenth of the things I heard from my unit, and that is without counting the curses in other languages too."

"Porca puttana," Tony says jokingly.

"Yup, knew that one too."

After that an awkward silence settles on to them, making them both fidgety and nervous. Tony is the first to try to break it.

"Look Steve, I'm so–"

"I just don't understand why," Steve says, a bit of desperation in his voice. "Why didn't you tell me Tony?" He looks so sad, like a kicked and lost puppy that Tony can only watch him speechless, with all the explanations and excuses he wanted to tell just kind of evaporating from his brain.

"I mean," Steve goes on, eyes back on his still full glass of juice. "It's just that Natasha and Clint obviously knew, and Phil and Bruce weren't surprised at all when you came out of the subway with us. Thor was as surprised as me, but he has been back for just a month and maybe you just haven't found time to tell him. But I've been living here for over a year and it looks like I'm the only one who didn't know you are Iron Man."

Steve actually looks a bit like he might cry when he whispers, "I thought we were friends." And Tony wants to kill himself with his own armor for putting that crestfallen expression on Steve's face.

"Steve please, believe me I wanted to tell you," Tony pleads. "I wanted to tell you like I didn't with anybody else."

Tony sits down on the chair next to Steve, leaning as close as possible towards him without touching, before going on. "Pepper found out because she caught me stuck in the suit after my first mission. I had to tell Rhodey when his bosses sent two F-22 to shoot me down and I didn't want to risk the pilots' lives. You just can't keep things like that from Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D., and Agent was the one to point out that, if I wanted to protect those few friends I have, I should keep the fact that I'm Iron Man a secret. Bruce found out on his own, because he is a genius and we work in each other labs a lot. You are the only one I wanted to tell myself, not because I had to but because I wanted you to find it out from me. I was just too afraid to and I still am."

"Afraid of what?" Steve asks incredulously.

"Steve, you have been my hero since I was old enough to ask questions about you," Tony answers, smiling sadly. "And I'm a genius, remember? So, it's kinda been a long time."

Tony leans closer still to whisper, "Don't you ever tell Coulson this, but I've my own set of trading cards with a couple of unique pieces he would probably kill me for."

Steve can't help a little laugh at that, but he soon looks back at Tony more confused than before. "I still don't understand what you are afraid of."

"When we first met on the Helicarrier, I was so fucking nervous and excited to finally meet you," Tony explains, his voice quivering slightly. "But I had only to open my mouth for you to hate me on the spot. And it shouldn't have surprised me cause, let's be honest , no one can stand me. Still, it fucking hurt that time."

Tony looks totally defeated and heartbroken, and Steve has never hated himself more than in that moment. Not even when he first realized how untrue and hurtful the things he said to Tony were, he did feel this much of an asshole.

"And even if I told myself you were just a dick, I still had this stupid urge to impress you, to have your respect and maybe even your friendship," Tony sighs and runs a hand through his hair in frustration. "Then lo-and-behold, you got along with Iron Man like a house on fire."

"So I decided that there wasn't nothing bad in being a little selfish," Tony admits. "I wanted your friendship, and it seemed like I could have it as Iron Man. And when I finally got it, I became afraid of telling you the truth and ending up losing it all."

Steve is speechless. He never realized how much his words had hurt Tony; but he had apologized and Tony had said everything was ok and already forgiven. Just not forgotten, it looks like.

He must have been silent and lost in thoughts a bit to long, because Tony's shoulders sag in defeat. "But I managed to lose it anyway," Tony whispers sadly, standing up and ready to barricade himself in the workshop with a shit-load of alcohol.

Steve shakes off his pained shock and jumps out of the stool to grab Tony's arm. "But I like you, not Iron Man!" Steve blurts, yanking Tony back to face him.

Tony freezes, then stares incredulously at Steve, like he had just grown six legs more and told Tony he's secretly Loki's son. "What?" he asks, bewildered, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Good God, Tony," Steve bemoans, his cheeks turning a shade of red that Tony until now tought fairly impossible for a person. "I- I mean, I like Iron Man too b-but I like you better."

Tony disbelieving stare goes totally past Steve, who his looking bashfully at his feet and fidgeting.

"Hum, it's just that-" Steve stops himself to take a deep breath; then he looks back at Tony with determination written all over his face. "It wasn't Iron Man who offered me a place to stay even after the way I treated you," Steve says, grabbing Tony's hand and squeezing gently. "And it sure wasn't Iron Man who kept me company at three in the morning those nights I couldn't sleep and made me watch all episodes of Doctor Who even when you where clearly exhausted. And I still think that fezzes are cool!"

Tony chuckles. "Only in your dreams, Capsicle."

Steve smiles brightly and shuffles closer, bringing a hand behind Tony's neck to gently bump their foreheads together. "You were the one to make this place - this new century, even - feel like a home again," Steve whispers, eyes brimming with so much love that, for the first time in decades, Tony is rendered utterly speechless. "I feel at home when I'm with you. You Tony, and not Iron Man."

Tony feels he should say something witty, like "I knew my charm would get you in the end" or maybe something romantic and cavity inducing. But for once he decides to give his mouth something totally better to do. With his free hand, he grabs the collar of Steve's shirts and yanks him down to smash their lips together.

Steve squeaks in surprise at first, then he moans loudly when Tony proceeds to use his extremely talented tongue to explore every crevice of his mouth. He brings his arms to encircle Tony's waist, holding their bodies firmly together and pouring all the feelings for Tony he has been suppressing for months in their kiss.

Sadly, they get abruptly interrupted by Bruce's loud whoop of joy. They pull away from each other and scramble for the kitchen door in time to witness a maniacally cackling Bruce accepting money from a displeased Natasha, a grumbling Clint and a beaming Thor.

"Yes, I'm the freaking best!" Bruce whoops again, while performing a little victory dance. "You can bend and kiss my ass, super spies!"

Somehow Natasha looks both murderous and amused. After all, it took them a lot of hard and careful work to get Bruce to be this carefree around them. Doesn't mean she won't kick his wiggly ass for this next time they spar.

"Congratulations, friend Bruce!" Thor says happily, squeezing Bruce in a one-armed hug . "A great victory, indeed. Allow me to gift you with another small prize."

This said, Thor grabs Bruce behind the head and plants a chaste but passionate kiss on the unsuspecting doctor's lips.

Bruce makes a shocked sound and his arms flail around comically for a bit, but his eyes flutter shut pretty soon anyway; and when Thor releases him, his knees give out and he falls down, fortunately on the couch behind him.

"Congratulations to you both as well, Steven, Anthony! I shall see you all at dinner, friends," Thor beams, then saunters out of the room.

"Thor, wait!" Bruce shouts, springing back up on his feet. "What the hell was that? Thor, come back here now!" He finally decides to just run after the god.

When Bruce is probably far enough away, Tony thrusts an open palm in front of Steve, who grumbles but still gets some bills from his wallet to slap on the billionaire's hand.

"I told you the big guy had a thing for our Brucie," Tony smirks, cramming the money into his pocket.

"I was so sure Thor liked you," Steve pouts a bit. "And he was looking at you like you were a strawberry pop-tart when you lost your armor."

"Of course he was looking, I was naked," Tony laughs. "Even Tasha was looking with appreciation."

Natasha stares at Tony with a raised eyebrow that manages to convey the message 'I will end your life, slowly' loud and clear.

Tony throws his hands up in surrender. "Oh, come on!" He pouts, puffing up his cheeks like a kid. "You have to hand this to me, I'm a great piece of ass."

Natasha smirks and punches him on the shoulder. "Ouch!" Tony grabs at his arm and jumps behind Steve. "Steeeeeeeeve! She's hurting me, do something!"

Steve shakes his head in exasperation, but he still turns around to place a kiss on Tony's shoulder. "There," he says, looking coyly at the genius . "All better?"

"Oh my God, Stark, are you blushing?" Clint starts to laugh like a maniac for the second time that day.

"Shut up, Barton!" Tony flips him the bird. "Don't think I forgot about the dress and I'm sure I can get J.A.R.V.I.S to find the visual evidence. I bet it was purple and you had to wax to put it on. Did Coulson enjoy your smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom legs?"

Now is Clint's turn to flush a deep scarlet. " Fuck you, Stark! I'm going to use your ass for target practice!"

Natasha grabs Clint by the shirt with a sigh and drags him toward the elevators. "Have fun, boys."

Tony clears his throat, ears still a bit red. "So, where were we?" He asks, sneaking his arms around Steve's waist.

"You really are cute," Steve says softly, smiling and pulling Tony closer.

Tony splutters indignantly. "Take that back immediately, I'm not cu-"

Steve cuts him off with a kiss. When Tony moans and loses himself in it right away, Steve decides that he could very well never get tired of shutting Tony's rants like this for the rest of their lives.

The End

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End notes: Dear Odin, I will never let angst sneak up on me ever again! It was a bitch to resolve, but I sure couldn't leave Steve with his hurt feelings. I hope I didn't mess Tony up to bad with all those feels; I was afraid he would get a heart attack with all those emotions I forced on him. XDDD

Let me know what you thought about it!


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